Monday, January 18, 2010


Our father, whom we called "Big Ted,"
spent all his life collecting thread.

One day he died, and in his will
he left his thread to brother Bill.

A subtle malaise seized my mind.
Murd'rous thought in thread entwined!

I twisted up Bill's neck with thread
and pulled it tight 'til he lay dead.

I sliced him up in several chunks,
the which I hid beneath our bunks.

I would have thought that, post decease,
he'd rest, in pieces, but in peace.

But no! He rose up from the dead,
his mind on just one thing: his thread.

He'd got from somewhere four arms more
and spun a web beneath the floor.

He pulled me deep inside his nest.
You wouldn't want to hear the rest.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Great Snail

Vaster than empires and more slow slides the Great Snail.

When the Snail first came no tale tells. Since time immemorial our people have recorded its presence and measured its speed.

It has moved closer to our village by two inches each year. In the time of our children, or our children's children, it will finally engulf us and our way of life.

Or perhaps it will change its course and avoid us.

Who can say?

We bend to the will of the gods in this as in all things.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Book of Job Comics

Though devils danced on his tongue nine to five, six days a week, Job never lost his faith.

His wife left him, his kids became drunken and dissipated, prophets prophesied doom, yet he endured.

Eventually, after a prolonged bout of herpes and boils, Job found that God himself had opened pony rides in town.

His wicked neighbors looked on in envy, God himself gave Job an all-day pass.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Two Bats

Two bats went for a walk.

They came across three lollipops!

"I should get two lollipops," said the large bat, "for I am five days your senior."

"No, I should get two lollipops," said the small bat, "for my first name begins with the letter M."

How did the two bats divide the three lollipops evenly?

They made lollipop sauce--and so can you!